Bandits bag bucks at Warren Park Primary


In a turn of events that would make even the most seasoned action movie director raise an eyebrow, Warren Park Primary School was the unexpected setting for a daring daylight heist.

As parents were dutifully handing over their hard-earned cash to secure their children’s education, six audacious bandits decided it was the perfect time for a spot of fundraising of their own.

With the subtlety of a bull in a china shop, they stormed the school, causing a ruckus that would put a schoolyard brawl to shame. Parents, students, and staff were left gobsmacked, their jaws dropping faster than the robbers’ rapidly filling swag bags. In a whirlwind of chaos that lasted mere minutes, the bandits absconded with a cool US$1,481.00, leaving behind a scene that looked like the aftermath of a particularly rowdy school disco.

The Zimbabwe Republic Police (ZRP), in a statement that could have been ripped straight from a crime novel, confirmed the incident on their social media handle.

They urged school authorities to beef up security, suggesting that perhaps a moat filled with crocodiles might not be such a bad idea.

They also encouraged parents to consider paying their fees through financial institutions, subtly hinting that carrying around large sums of cash might just be an invitation to every wannabe outlaw in the vicinity.

The statement read, “Meanwhile, we’re hot on the trail of the six suspects who thought it would be a good idea to raid Warren Park Primary School this morning. They made off with US$1,481.00 cash, but rest assured, our finest detectives are on the case. Investigations are in progress.” The unspoken message? “Watch this space, folks. This ain’t over yet.”

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